What I Really Should Be Doing... What is it?

I find it funny how my interests change over the years. I'm now 24 but I can never say that I have an engrossment over one thing only. I am as fickle as the wind!

When I was a child, I was always out in the sun playing with my neighbors. Hide-and-seek, syato, bato-lata, chinese garter, and even dakpanay... I think I played most of the games that the children in the 90's play save the rougher ones like basketball. What did I get out of that? Hmmm...aside from scratches, bruises, and on rare occasions, deep wounds, I also got a lot of reprehensions for coming home late. Thanks Mom!

In high school, my interests shifted a bit. I remember becoming a volleyball addict! Also, it was at this time that I learned to write songs and play the guitar (and a little bit of the piano as well). I was just hooked to song writing that I was able to compose two songs for our graduation. One was called Ibulong Mo sa Hangin and the other one was Holding Back. I don't want to brag but I'm kind of proud of the things that I was able to accomplish in high school. Who wouldn't? I was such a dummy in grade school but ended up being in the top ten in high school!

College...I got involved in a church and it was there that I realized that I could sing, and that I have enough  physical and mental coordination to play drums. I also tried reading notes and played more of the piano... and the guitar...and the bass! One girl band! Just kidding. But yes, I got inclined to a lot of popular Christian songs. I also was actively involved in Bible studies, and in teaching kids about God's love.  Next up was a dramatic change in my academics. I shifted to Math from Development Communication. From being artsy to being geeky... eeeeeeeeeeekk!!!!! But I still believe I am a middle brainer because my room doesn't look like it's occupied by an authentic, totally committed left brainer! LOL

And now...I'm taking further studies in Math. Regrets... regrets... For a time I thought that everything about grad school is hogwash. But then, despite all of the trouble that I got myself into, I still learned a lot...especially about life. With Math becoming something that I have to do unwillingly because of a contract, another interest sparked. BADMINTON! Yeah, baby! Twice in a week, my playmates and I exhaust ourselves in this very addictive game. I hope I won't get too strayed from my studies though. Hihihi.

I often wonder what my next set of interests will be. In my fantasies, I see myself as a great cook, a traveler of the world, a multilingual, a top athlete, a rich businesswoman, a famous singer/songwriter, a sought-after makeup artist, a caring lover, and a doting mother. Aaaah... I can always dream on...can't I?

Whew! It's time to wake up from this bubble dream. I have to study now. Boooooooooo.... =)

Joy Comes in the Morning

Chopin...Rachmaninoff...Beethoven... for hours I immersed myself in their music. Like a new found haven, I let my soul be engulfed in this abundance of melodies which were put together and harmonized by the geniuses of their time. Symphony after symphony, my ears gathered every note and brought each dearly to this heart. In there was the conglomeration of the music I listened to and the emotions that I carried for the week. Tears fell profusely when the music and my feelings became indistinguishable. It was all too much...like a flood, bittersweet memories came and swept over me, drowning me. And just when I was about to suffocate, I found myself by his side...this recollection brought me to an old and familiar feeling which is at present utterly insignificant. Consequently, the wall I've put up for four months melted in this continuous surge of carefully composed pieces. All the while I thought my defenses were formidable. I was wrong. So this is breaking down... I thought this would never come, but it did. Lamentation. Indifference could no longer mask this unbearable sorrow of missing someone dear to me. I'm grieving over the death of a beautiful relationship. I could have done this four months ago, I should have...but I braved myself not to. But beyond this prodding pain is the acceptance of things that passed and ended...of things that can never be again. More importantly, a realization came: Joy comes in the morning. This is just a phase. This, too, shall pass. As much as I miss him, I know he is not for me. Even if he is, I'm definite that now is not the time. I hold this time now as a requiem. May the Lord bless me the much needed rest I've been asking for. I'm letting you go. May my God grant you peace and happiness, too.