What I Really Should Be Doing... What is it?

I find it funny how my interests change over the years. I'm now 24 but I can never say that I have an engrossment over one thing only. I am as fickle as the wind!

When I was a child, I was always out in the sun playing with my neighbors. Hide-and-seek, syato, bato-lata, chinese garter, and even dakpanay... I think I played most of the games that the children in the 90's play save the rougher ones like basketball. What did I get out of that? Hmmm...aside from scratches, bruises, and on rare occasions, deep wounds, I also got a lot of reprehensions for coming home late. Thanks Mom!

In high school, my interests shifted a bit. I remember becoming a volleyball addict! Also, it was at this time that I learned to write songs and play the guitar (and a little bit of the piano as well). I was just hooked to song writing that I was able to compose two songs for our graduation. One was called Ibulong Mo sa Hangin and the other one was Holding Back. I don't want to brag but I'm kind of proud of the things that I was able to accomplish in high school. Who wouldn't? I was such a dummy in grade school but ended up being in the top ten in high school!

College...I got involved in a church and it was there that I realized that I could sing, and that I have enough  physical and mental coordination to play drums. I also tried reading notes and played more of the piano... and the guitar...and the bass! One girl band! Just kidding. But yes, I got inclined to a lot of popular Christian songs. I also was actively involved in Bible studies, and in teaching kids about God's love.  Next up was a dramatic change in my academics. I shifted to Math from Development Communication. From being artsy to being geeky... eeeeeeeeeeekk!!!!! But I still believe I am a middle brainer because my room doesn't look like it's occupied by an authentic, totally committed left brainer! LOL

And now...I'm taking further studies in Math. Regrets... regrets... For a time I thought that everything about grad school is hogwash. But then, despite all of the trouble that I got myself into, I still learned a lot...especially about life. With Math becoming something that I have to do unwillingly because of a contract, another interest sparked. BADMINTON! Yeah, baby! Twice in a week, my playmates and I exhaust ourselves in this very addictive game. I hope I won't get too strayed from my studies though. Hihihi.

I often wonder what my next set of interests will be. In my fantasies, I see myself as a great cook, a traveler of the world, a multilingual, a top athlete, a rich businesswoman, a famous singer/songwriter, a sought-after makeup artist, a caring lover, and a doting mother. Aaaah... I can always dream on...can't I?

Whew! It's time to wake up from this bubble dream. I have to study now. Boooooooooo.... =)

Joy Comes in the Morning

Chopin...Rachmaninoff...Beethoven... for hours I immersed myself in their music. Like a new found haven, I let my soul be engulfed in this abundance of melodies which were put together and harmonized by the geniuses of their time. Symphony after symphony, my ears gathered every note and brought each dearly to this heart. In there was the conglomeration of the music I listened to and the emotions that I carried for the week. Tears fell profusely when the music and my feelings became indistinguishable. It was all too much...like a flood, bittersweet memories came and swept over me, drowning me. And just when I was about to suffocate, I found myself by his side...this recollection brought me to an old and familiar feeling which is at present utterly insignificant. Consequently, the wall I've put up for four months melted in this continuous surge of carefully composed pieces. All the while I thought my defenses were formidable. I was wrong. So this is breaking down... I thought this would never come, but it did. Lamentation. Indifference could no longer mask this unbearable sorrow of missing someone dear to me. I'm grieving over the death of a beautiful relationship. I could have done this four months ago, I should have...but I braved myself not to. But beyond this prodding pain is the acceptance of things that passed and ended...of things that can never be again. More importantly, a realization came: Joy comes in the morning. This is just a phase. This, too, shall pass. As much as I miss him, I know he is not for me. Even if he is, I'm definite that now is not the time. I hold this time now as a requiem. May the Lord bless me the much needed rest I've been asking for. I'm letting you go. May my God grant you peace and happiness, too.

Away from this body, at home with the Lord

I'm ready
I'm not afraid to die for I long to see You
Face to face
But You wake me in the morning
You bless me with beautiful days

I could only let out tears

when this body groans
and yearns for You alone
My heart is grateful but it is filled with pain
Dearest Lord, I'd rather be
a gatekeeper in Your house
I envy the angels around You
I long for You

I know I have so much to learn
You have a plan.
But whatever it is
nothing will be sweeter than
the day You'll come for me
From the clouds
at the sound of the trumpet
 I long for You, sweet Jesus

Father, this body of earth is weak.
I long for the one You will give me
One that can last for eternity
One that can worship You forever
Incorruptible. Indestructible.
For I long to dwell in Your presence.

You are lovely, dear Lord.
You are beautiful.
You are most high.
You are magnificent.
You are my King
You are my Savior
You are Healer
You are Comforter
You are Provider
You are God.

and i long for You.

Grateful. :)

I can not put out accurately in words how I feel today. I know, though, that I am happy, satisfied, and most especially grateful. Let me, however, share the things that happened to me over the past month; things that resulted to this good vibe in me right now.

First of, my predicament last March (which I shared in my previous blog) is finally over. I do have "meh" grades but good Lord I am so happy I survived that semester. But as they say, endings are new beginnings. After that terrifying semester I now face Summer Term! This time, I am to produce a mini thesis! I now only have roughly 3 weeks to finish the thesis, but at my rate, I am so in for another trouble. Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! (Why am I so pessimistic? hahahaha)

Last week I got sick and weak. My body just got all crazy: my head throbbed in pain, tummy felt weird, legs were weak, and my eyes felt always strained.  I even vomited one dawn and was unable to go to class that day. Later I figured that it could have been my eyes (I wear glasses). True enough, after a visit to the optometrist, it was found out that my astigmatism shoot up another 25. No wonder my body reacted that way. I now wear new lenses with grades 25/75 (myopia/astigmatism). Despite the physical torment, I am thankful still because it was not out of something serious. ( I remember my uncle had my symptoms too only to find out he had brain tumor that sat on his optic nerve.)

What else? Israel Houghton and Planetshakers of course. I am so happy I was able to see them in concert. It was one beautiful night of worship and praise all for the Living God. :)

And lastly, I wouldn't want to miss out sharing this little thing that so delighted my heart. After weeks of scorching heat, it rained today! IT RAINED! I held this day dearly because today God answered my prayer and lifted my burden. My room was a hot oven for weeks, but thank goodness it's now comfortably cool. Yay!

I find this post funny, actually. Silly me sharing on things such as those. My goal? Just to let the whole world know how thankful, grateful  I am on God's goodness.  God is good all the time. :)

By the way, my dog, Sky, says hi! 

Haha, have a great day everyone!

When Things Are At Its Peak..

Often I wonder why I, despite all the free time I have to laze around, just pace out and drift away to Imaginary Land when I am already a few hours away from an exam or a school project's deadline. Yes, it's basically procrastination and I hate it effing super! I feel like I'm the most disorganized person in the world and it's pathetic because I seem to be getting worse each day. Noooo...

Prior to this blog, I contemplated really hard. I asked myself, okay, how did I become this...lazy? Stupid question (I know), but it was a start. And then it hit me. I remembered, just last year, I worked my butt off in making sure that I pass those 4 post grad subjects. I did pass but, oh boy, I must have burnt out...I'm not a genius so I have to put in extra effort to cope up with my lessons (I master in Math by the way --- which I now kind of regret).

I don't know, maybe I'm just making up an excuse so I can't study today, but I'm just... too tired to even open up this book I have beside me. It innocently says Matrix Analysis on its cover but actually, everything inside is written in hieroglyphs. No, I don't want to study yet but exam's already tomorrow.... I'm doomed.

But....after slapping my face hard enough for me to shout "Ow!" a while ago, I have challenged myself to put myself together (does that even make sense) and study like I am supposed to. I will eat you raw you stupid book and spit you out on tomorrow's exam.

Hopefully I can manage to pass all of my subjects this semester, although I definitely do not deserve it. I don't care if my grades will all be like "Meh!!!-You-can-do-better-than-this" as long as they're all acceptable! I just want to get through all this pressure.

Okaaay. So it's time to...1) Click Publish, and 2) Turn off my laptop (so I can't read beauty blogs or watch youtube). Oh good Lord, bless me.